For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
~Romans 12:3 ESV
I speak about pride as often as I can. You see, after the love of money, pride is one of the most destructive and hardest to detect sources of sin and pain in this life. First, pride blinds its victim so that one loses the ability to self-reflect and thus, detect and eliminate this ugly and destructive form of God-rebellion. And it is rebellion to be sure.
What are some examples of what God thinks of pride? Glad you asked:
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”
~Proverbs 11:2
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
~Proverbs 16:18
And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
~Mark 7:20-23
“But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”
~James 4:6
“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”
~Matthew 23:12
How can you detect pride then, since it is so effective at self-deception? Again, glad you asked! The last thing any of us reading this want is to do is make ourselves a literal enemy of God, which is what pride also does. I learned a long time ago that my arms are too short to box with God.
Here is a partial list of qualities and behaviors you might look for as you practice self-examination. Self-examination is a powerful tool, by the way, for anyone preparing for worship on Sunday prior to the Confession and Absolution of Sin at the start of the service.
Fear
Pride is at the root of fear and anxiety, when we refuse to humbly rest in God’s sovereign care. Fear simultaneously reveals our lack of trust and our poisonous self-reliance. We fear because we don’t have faith in the Lord, we are enormously preoccupied with ourselves. Especially when we don’t have control over a situation.
When Peter stepped out on the stormy sea to come to Jesus, he was walking in humble faith. But when his gaze shifted to his circumstances and self-preservation, he trusted in himself, became afraid, and began to sink. It was Jesus who saved him, while admonishing him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31).
Entitlement
Self-sacrifice stems from a humble heart. Entitlement is rooted in a prideful heart. The core of the gospel is that we are not entitled to anything, except just punishment for our sins (Romans 3:23; 6:23). Yet we deceive ourselves into thinking we’re better than we are, so we deserve better than we have. We think we deserve God’s mercy. We think we deserve people’s praise. We think we deserve love, success, comfort, and accolades. We certainly don’t think we deserve suffering, heartbreak, or discipline.
But when we do experience these things, we grow bitter, frustrated, and disturbed because we believe we’re entitled to more. We forget that apart from Jesus Christ we are sinners who deserve condemnation.
The disciples wrestled with entitlement many times. On one occasion, they were arguing about who was the greatest. They selfishly thought they deserved honor and glory. But Jesus’ response to them was a rebuke: “Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves” (Luke 22:26).
Ingratitude
Our proud hearts say we are good, that we should get what we want, and if we don’t, we’re justified in our ingratitude. If we’re uncomfortable or inconvenienced in any way, we can complain. It’s our right. Humility recognizes that God is good, that he gives us what he knows we need, so we have no reason to be ungrateful. There is nothing we lack (Deuteronomy 2:7; Psalm 34:9).
The Israelites’ grumbled in the wilderness, though God fed, clothed, and led them through it (Exodus 16:2; Deuteronomy 8:2). Their stubborn hearts rejected God’s daily mercies out of a foundation of self-idolization. But God’s Word rebukes our proud grumbling with this command: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world…” (Philippians 2:14-15).
People-Pleasing
Pride is self-worship and self-preservation at all costs—and people-pleasing is the direct result of pride. Some think people-pleasing is a positive trait because they’re so clearly concerned with serving others and making them happy. But that belief is nothing more than a deception. People-pleasing is all about self-satisfaction and self-protection—fearing man more than God—and seeking the fleeting happiness that comes from man’s approval.
The apostle Paul knew human approval was a pointless and prideful pursuit. Because of that, he could say, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).
Prayerlessness
Pride deceives us into thinking we can “do life” on our own—that we’re capable, independent, unstoppable, and self-reliant. We think we don’t need God every hour, that we don’t need his help, grace, mercy, courage, and hope. So, surely, we don’t need to pray. I mean most don’t literally say that, but a lack of regular prayer in a believer is the equivalent of that decision.
But a humble heart submits itself to God in prayer because it knows it can do nothing without him.
When God called Jonah to go to Nineveh, Jonah’s response was not to go to God in prayer. Instead, he fled, his heart furiously and arrogantly silent (Jonah 1:3). When God humbled him in the belly of a great fish, Jonah finally cried out in prayer (2:1).
Hypocrisy
When you’re proud, you elevate your status, forgetting the mercy God has shown you. You think you’re better than everyone else, and you easily find fault with others. Pride produces a hypocritical spirit.
The Pharisees’ hypocritical pride blinded them to their sin and to God’s mercy—which made them cold-hearted and cruel toward others. Jesus had harsh words for them: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness” (Matthew 23:27).
Rebellion
Rebellion against God manifests itself in resistance toward the Word and the spiritual leaders he has placed in our lives. It is the reflex of a prideful heart. Rebellion says, “I know better than you, God,” when you don’t. Rebellion shows up in us nearly always concluding that we know better.
We see rebellion in the first people God created: Adam and Eve (Genesis 3). Even though they had all they needed for life and joy, out of pride they rebelled against God’s good decree, thinking they knew better than him. And this rebellion brought pain, suffering, and death—for them and for us.
Covering
Anytime we overtly or subtly try to make ourselves look better than we really are, or are reluctant to admit relevant faults, is a form of covering up. We tend to work hard to present ourselves as better than we really are and are quick to notice when others come up short in the same area.
Isolation
When we cannot imagine receiving help or have concluded that others ‘must never see me this way’, the result is isolation. No one can see our faults and weaknesses. if we are rarely transparent about the realities of daily life. This too, is pride.
So, what to do?
Almost no one connects with every trait listed above. But everyone connects with at least a few now and again. For some, several of these traits are a way of life. The remedy?
Moving in the opposite spirit.
Moving in the opposite spirit is deliberately taking the opposite direction. Within the limits of common sense, what might it look like to:
- Confess the sin of pride in whatever form it shows up to someone you trust and,
- Attempt to live or act in the opposite quality.
Never underestimate the power of confession and forgiveness. It is not a ‘work’ we do to earn God’s favor, but a powerful (and by definition, humbling) spiritual practice that breaks the bonds of our sin and Satan’s rebellion in our lives.
Someone, for example, using covering (see above) might resolve to intentionally be more transparent about faults and struggles. This often takes accountability (something secular thinking avoids). A people pleaser might (using the appropriate confession and accountability) start to identify how they might most easily start dis-mantling that prideful behavior and look for and pray for opportunities to speak the truth in love, instead of the usual conflict avoidance and gossip.
This usually takes not only accountability but also a little practical coaching. If we’ve practiced these sins habitually for many years, it is pretty common to lack imagination for what it looks like to move in the opposite spirit (direction) going forward. And, of course, pride often tries to block all this by strapping us down with unrealistic expectations of perfection and total success on the first try.
Most people, once they pray for the courage to face these things, will take three steps forward and then two backward at first. But growth and progress are very much possible as we mature into the fullness of Christ. This, too is discipleship.
If you want to talk more, then reach out. I’ll buy the first cup of coffee.
Pastor Mark
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